you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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