actually, I'm a sock model
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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