i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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