So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
