im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you inspire me to be a worse person
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
