he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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