he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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