at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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