What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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