doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
