I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
