If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wish you could order shots online.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
