sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
