I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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