If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
