Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
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