another moral hangover. fuck.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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