just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
