How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
