I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
