using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
