dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
