The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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