it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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