I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
