I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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