I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize