I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Randomize
