Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
