This girl is more easily done than said...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
