What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
