Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
