I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
