you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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