she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
