That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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