You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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