just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
