I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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