I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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