Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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