If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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