Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize