All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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