masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
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i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
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When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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