Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
