I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
