Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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