just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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