Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
