What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
