dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's just like the Real World with babies
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
