I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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