Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
two words...techno handjob
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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