if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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