just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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