I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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