This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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