i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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