ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
