I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
