Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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