By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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