apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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