we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
