I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
