i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I can't put those talents on a resume
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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