Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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