im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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