Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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