his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
