Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
