hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
