So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
