We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
