She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
