the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
