can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
