mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
