I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
