i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
