I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
