Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
